SHMOOZE NEWS: The Old Man and the CPAC

Et tu, Smarty?  You guys!  Vote for me to travel the world on someone else’s dime and help The Smarty at the Party go (even more) global!  The competition is ON!  Okay, now…

Wha’ Happened This Week?  So You’re Never LATE TO THE PARTY.

1. The old men have stormed the castle (of my blog — awww yeah).  Clearly my strike was short-lived ‘cuz now we’ve got all kinds o’ pope-iness comin’ down the pike!  And what could be more fitting on the Ides of March than throwin’ down some news from Rome?!  White smoke billowed outta the Sistine Chapel on Wednesday signifying that a new pople had been picked, and though the process of picking was done entirely in secret — this “conclave” is the true sequester & it dates back almost a thousand years — the smoke detection was anything but.  Chimney cam!  I love that the headline of this article on the modern-era device announces that prior to the arrival of Smokey the Pope-News, “Birds Keep Chimney Cam Viewers Riveted.”

Ridiculous.  You're welcome.
Ridiculous. You’re welcome.

So what do we know about the anointed one?  Name for first 76 years: Jorge Mario Bergoglio (Ber-GOAL-io).  Now: Pope Francis (he picked his name in honor of Saint Francis of Assisi, who has a reputation for speaking for the animals, as well as the environment… so basically the Lorax).  The cardinals who elected Pope Frank think he’s got the best shot at cleaning up the Catholic image (specifically all those pesky sex abuse scandals that keep… arising, as well as corruption in the Vatican bank) (that’s a thing?).  And he’s making history here simply by being Argentinian: he’s the first South American pope ever & the first non-European one in over a thousand years.  On a more personal note, he’s not into artists being creative or gays being gay, there’s rumors that he never smiles but he has tangoed, and everyone likes to call him a humble guy because he prefers public transportation, avoids the frilliness of gold-encrusted gowns, and cooks his own meals.  If only his empathy for the poor extended to women, people in need of an abortion, or people who want to marry others of their same gender… but I know that’s too much to ask.

SATP kind atheists2.  The GOP are in the midst of their grand o’ rebranding party this week (an annual shindig called CPAC) and if you wanna read ONE THING about the future of the party and its efforts to overcome its own image problems (or is it substance problems?) Frank Rich is your man.  The genius journalist breaks it all down and suggests that the hot red lipstick each speaker at this week’s conference attempts to foist on the elephant is in vain — but that doesn’t necessarily mean the GOP is dead, if history is any indication.  Or read this quick ‘n awesome little article called “CPAC Speakers Against the World” ‘cuz yep — Republicans really like bashing every other country ever.

SATP nixonEven that Romney guy we all distantly recall will come out of hiding to speak later today (Friday) at the conference — but the coolest reminder that that dude exists already happened this week: a quiet bartender named Scott Prouty outted himself as the cater waiter who filmed the infamous 47% video that arguably lost Romney the United States presidency.  It’s scary/exciting how much a single idea, spread on the internet, can change the world.  But the other lesson is: douchiness will out.  Romney spoke to a roomful of patrons who’d paid $50,000 a plate to be there on that fateful night, but he neglected (like really super duper neglected) to realize that members of that 47% were actually in the roomRead this.  Or watch this.

SATP st patrick bars3. And finally, the oldest guy Imma mention today: St. Patrick!  With the holiday coming this Sunday everyone’s gearing up to be a little bit Irish (even Obama) and this lovely little article on what it is that stirs our souls when it comes to March 17th moves beyond the green beer (GREEN BEER!) and suggests that:

St. Patrick’s Day, falling as it does on the cusp of spring, catches even the most miserable among us in a hopeful and ready mood. The Irish might eat melancholy for breakfast, but the road rises to meet them and it leads to green valleys. Those heavenly metaphors, corny by any other standard, have a certain magic when pitched with a brogue.

Having, as I do, an Irish-American husband named Patrick I’m inclined to agree.


SOCIAL MEDIA SHOUT-OUT: My friend Rebecca White — a brilliant actress & world-class smarty, who’s my 500th twitter follower!  Thank you, Bex!


Quote of the week from an anonymous dad:

SATP dad gay son

2 thoughts on “SHMOOZE NEWS: The Old Man and the CPAC

  1. Right?! I tried to tie in “one of the greatest acts of rebellion” or “the most courageous act of disloyalty” with any of this week’s stories but it seemed a little shoe-horn-y 🙂 thanks, as always, for reading, David!


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