Dude, this week’s dispatch is from the Snotty at the Pahtty.  BUT just ‘cuz I’m sick doesn’t mean YOU’re sick, my smarties.  So real fast, here’s what went down this week, pour vous.  Also, take more vitamin C.

1. North Korea’s president is talkin’ smack and no one can quite tell if he’s writing checks his body can’t cash… or if his body can, in fact, cash said checks.  Which would be bad, ‘cuz the whole check-cashing situation would involve nukes.  So South Korea (their freer, less commie neighbor — sometimes memes are best:

SATP koreasend parenthesis) is preparing for war just in case.  Which means the US is preparing for war just in case — ‘cuz Obama wants to show South-K that he’s their oppan… Gangnam Style.  Here’s the best perspective I’ve seen on North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s cray:

The reassuring news: Much of Kim’s bellicosity is probably aimed at his own people, whipping up war scares to justify their continued impoverishment and oppression. And Obama’s brandishing-of-arms is aimed, in large measure, at his South Korean allies—to assure them that America has their back and will take action if the North gets aggressive.

But there’s a nerve-racking flipside to this news: Messages are sometimes misinterpreted; gambles are often based on miscalculations, especially if the antagonists aren’t speaking to one another directly (and Kim’s regime did shut down the North-South hotline not long ago). History is littered with wars that neither side wanted to happen. That’s what worries many officials and analysts when they look at the Korean peninsula.

2. I can’t let national news about my alma mater go celebrated, especially when it manages to embody all? some? a remarkable cross-section of? atrocious stereotypes about the Ivy League.  This week a deliciously misguided businesswomen and Princeton alum published an open letter in the school’s student newspaper encouraging young ladies to find men on campus — her son, for example, by the way did she mention she has a son — to marry FOR GOD’S SAKE BEFORE YOU GRADUATE.  After which point you enter the desert of stupid men (or men who like stupid women) with nary an oasis of her son in sight.

keep calm and princet onI mean, yeah, cool, everyone’s parachute’s a different color and this lady is welcome to give advice to daughters she never had and we can choose to become incensed about it or not — but ma’am, perhaps don’t go trying to align yourself with “I Went to Princeton, Bitch” if your message is actually kinda #creepysexist.

In slightly cheerier lady news, celebrities and tastemakers and politicas are swarming the Women in the World summit in NYC this week — where the 4th annual conference aims its superbright spotlight on girls rising everywhere (tell ’em, Angelina).

3. NEOLOGISMS!  We all make up words.  But for serious, the Swedes do it best.  Y’all, after you finish putting together your new Ikea bookshelf you have to read this list of amazingosity and begin the implimentation process ASAP — especially if you’ve got Attitydinkontinens.

SATP oxford comma(Oh, and by the way, Facebook is releasing a phone kinda, Obama is shocking Republicans by giving back some of his salary in solidarity with other federal workers whose pay is slashed by the “sequester,” and Rogert Ebert’s death elicited a lot of beautiful eulogizing, including his own.)


Quote of the week — let’s all contribute joy to the world, k?  Yay!

SATP ebert

2 thoughts on “SHMOOZE NEWS: Tough Talk

  1. Smarty, is that YOU on the left in the “I Went To Princeton, Bitch” video??

    Also, the neologisms section reminds me of a book I saw recently where, once again, a lowly comma makes all the difference: “Eat, Fast and Lose Weight”


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