SHMOOZE NEWS: Everything But The Reese Witherspoon

After a maelstrom of activity at the end of last week with the police scanner heard ’round the world and the capture & inevitable name flubs of the surviving marathon bomber suspect, we’re left with… what?

SATP zooey deschanel1. Some lingering civil liberties questions over how & when young Zooey Deschanel was read his Miranda rights.  This article from the Daily Mail in the UK does a nice job of breakin’ down the most recent news if you wanna keep up (he’s been transferred to a super low security prison, turns out) as well as covering all the kinda-weird inconsistencies of the case (like: he did or else he TOTALLY DIDN’T engage the police in a hour of gun battle before being captured in that boat last week).

SATP manhuntTalking about changing the story: a guy who sent a highly toxic poison called “Ricin” to Obama & others was, and then wasn’t, an Elvis impersonator — since he now seems to have been framed by his creepy taekwondo instructor who calls himself “the insurance warrior.”  Like ya do.  And then this controversial bill called CISPA passed in the House of Representatives before heading to the Senate where it was, and then wasn’t, going to squash our own civil liberties when it comes to the internet (as in, companies like FB could share our private data with the government… that’s a bad scene, y’all.  But another one of these freedom vs. safety issues, so the debate will surely be ongoing).

SATP turn off tvI mean, I’m all about cutting through the crap to give you guys what really MATTERS each week, but man that’s a lot of crap.  And I didn’t even mention the opening of the historical accuracy-challenged Bush Library.

2. Meanwhile, internationally it’s bad news & then don’t forget the bad news.  An earthquake in ChinaPotential chemical warfare in Syria, which Obama’s warned would be the last straw before he pulled out the big guns.  A terrible & AVOIDABLE Bangladesh garment factory collapsed (that made clothing for, among other things, The Children’s Place & The Dress Barn… in case you wanna feel a bit implicated… which we probably all should) and the people of India are revolting in the name of justice.  And back on American soil, a well-spoken 22-year-old Yemeni man testified about drones in front of a U.S. Senate committee & got a lot of attention.  As an Atlantic article says, he told them that the drone strikes aren’t stamping out Islamist extremism; they’re fomenting it:

In emotional testimony, he stated that the Obama Administration’s drone strikes in Yemen “have made my passion and mission in support of America almost impossible” and done more to empower al-Qaeda on the Arabian Peninsula than to weaken it.

SATP pepsi drones3. And then there was Reese.  No, I’m not gonna cover that shiz; there’s too many waaaay funner gems from around the internet this week.  Like:

* AT&T predicted the future mindblowingly well, you guys!  (Except for the “brought to you by AT&T” part, alas.)  It’s actually kinda emotional to watch — I vaguely remember these ads from my yout’.

* Apparently the conventional wisdom on how to get your newborns to sleep is, um, a little paradoxical.  Save this column for when the time comes.

* The BEST article ever about how texting is NOT ruining the language, dammit!  It’s actually kinda like talking

LOL have an awesome weekend, y’all.

*****

Quote of the week:

SATP comparison

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